Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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