69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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