hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we made out on top of his cat.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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