He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
