honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
