I am spending my child support on dildos
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Someone came in the potted fern
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
