Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
