You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
