i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
