I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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