my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
