what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
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What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
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I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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