I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
