He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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