Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize