Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
