well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
