lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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