when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
