i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
