i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
