I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
