My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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