She's JV to your varsity
You can't motorboat a personality
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
