He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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