Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
