just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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