yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
wow bdsm is so cute
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
