I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
