Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
