My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
