He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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