I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
