margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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