Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
