Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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