i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
