omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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