My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
