Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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