Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
