smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
