Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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