At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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