Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
