I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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