pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am in a vortex of obligation.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
