Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
