I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
