so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
How external is "for external use only"?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
