Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
