it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
