Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
