Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
