Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
