I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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