Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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