We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
