Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
