she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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