i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
