Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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