Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
