life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
